TV ads for a hair replacement company (I think it’s the one with a name that sounds like the car James Bond used to drive – the Aston Martin) have a buff, square-cut poster boy, wearing only boardshorts and sporting a tousled mop of wavy black hair. He avers, “It’s shocking to realise that about 1 in every 2 men will experience hair loss”.

I was surprised. This surprise sired astonishment. I had just learned that every second male will have hair loss – and yet I was not shocked! What was wrong with me: was I emotionally stunted?

A second ad from the aforementioned hair repair shop has the female version of the hunk. Alas, her message was not directed to me, but I paid attention because she was an attractive woman, in a bikini, apparently speaking to me. (I later realised that this was an advertising trick – the people they call ‘actors’ look at the camera to simulate a personal conversation. Ah, brave new world!)

Her message was akin to that of her XY-chromosomed compadre: “It’s shocking to realise that about 1 in every 3 women will experience hair loss” (or again, words to that effect).

Based on the natural physiological stimulation caused by such a vision of pulchritude, I had imagined that I would be shocked by this revelation. However, I was again only astonished, not shocked: and again, my astonishment stemmed out of my surprise at not being shocked. I am undoubtedly emotionally amiss (the only miss in my life at present – *sigh*).

The only other explanation is that the advertisers were exaggerating. But this is not to be borne: we can’t trust politicians, used-car dealers, or banks – now we can’t trust TV!? Oh, what is a boy to do?

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